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Why I Love China.

2 May

When Bashful gave in to peer pressure.

Spotted in the kids play area in a mall.

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Why I Love China.

25 Apr

This is in our building’s lobby.

Nobody is afraid to air their CLEAN laundry.

Why I Love China #4

3 Oct

I love China.

There’s few other places where the packaging for sliced salami would make my day.

I bought this beauty a little while back:

In case you can’t read the label on the shoddy computer cam photo, it reads:

“Hamburger Flavor from Country of Foodball”

A food ball? Haha! Where do I sign up?

Obviously what the manufacturers meant was “football” but what is less obvious is what country they meant? Is it America, land of the Hamburger and American foodball? Or is it Germany, land of Hamburg City, World Cup 2006 and many other sausage and meat delights?

It turns out, it’s Italy, land of Salami and cheating, diving-in-the-box foodball (sorry Dani but it’s true!).

The fun continues on the other side of the packet:

It reads:

“Instructions: (because salami needs instructions)

The best of traditional salami. Made by combination of Monaco traditional process and modern technique. (I can’t remember if it said Monaco and Morocco – I hope it was Monaco because this salami is predominantly made of pork.) Fresh material and natural spices (pepper, herb etc.) It is characteristic of local cate. (cate?) 1. Put salami slices, ham, lettuce, Mozzarella or Jack cheese between bread. It taste like sandwich. (Who’d have thunk?) 2. Slice fresh eggplant into 1/2 inch thickness. Do not peel. Between the slices , salami slices, Mozzarella or Jack cheese were put, and eggs were used to conglutamate the slices. (Frickin’ glutamate – managed to get in there after all!) Then roasted in oven or frying pan, with 15 minutes for each sides. It tastes more delicious when it is still hot.”

So there you have it, Chinese Italian salami. Instructions and good times included.

Why I Love China #3 aka My Future House

25 Sep

A lot of times while building are being constructed the land lot will be surrounded by a plywood advertising wall with photoshopped images of what the finished product will look like. There’ll be pictures of smiling people and beautiful furniture and lots of trees in the complex. And there’s usually some corny Chinglish advertising line like “Beautiful Villa, Happy Life.” As you can imagine a lot of times things get lost in translation and you can see some really funny claims.

Like this one that I drove past today:

 

Flats with included G&Ts AND they’re good for you!

Brilliant. Sign me up.

Why I Love China # 2

23 Sep


“Polizei” means “Police” in German. This was parked in our complex’s carpark one day. Why “Polizei” on a civilian car in China? And on a Smartcar no less. Why, why, why… why, why, why, why?

Why I Love China # 1

21 Sep

Yes, that’s a public restroom for doggies. You might see mothers holding up their kids over street gutters and litter bins but dogs get their own roofed toilet in parks.